you toe pee ya

I dream of a world where everyone’s left-handed
and no one looks at me twice

I won’t be bald anymore, snakes for hair
laughing as my sunglasses slip forward
carried by the sweat on my nosebridge

no longer a footsoldier marching along
one of your endless exposed brick hallways
every cat will know my name

and raindrops will remember the lakes
they were born from as they splash into new ones 

the wind will sound like the creak of queer leather jackets
and wheezing deviated septums 

everyone will wear sweatpants, but no one will sweat
unless sitting in a chair made for sweating 

beanie hats will be outlawed
until the day everyone rebels together

then the last remaining royal will wear one as a crown 

the world’s national anthem will be Mort Garson’s Plantasia
enjoyed eyes closed each morning before work

except there will be no work
unless it’s spelled with an E and shouted
at death-dropping queens

and the only instance money will be mentioned
will be by teens referencing the catchphrase
of the cult classic contestant on Storage Wars
and then a baby will be born right-handed
and we’ll start all over again