Jenna Bly

The Rules

 1.     If you are assigned female at birth, your nipples can never be visible in public, beyond infancy.
Please note: bikini sizes start at 3 months. Please purchase accordingly.
2.     If you are assigned male at birth your nipples can be visible in public in almost any setting.
3.     If you were assigned female at birth, it is ok to show cleavage (top and bottom), in fact, show us your entire naked breast. but god forbid, hide your nipple.
4.     If you were assigned male at birth but have transitioned and we perceive you as female, your nipples (once acceptable) are now forbidden. They are literally the same nipples you had before but we do not care. (And we still might ban you from the women’s washroom, but also, you look like a girl so please keep your shirt on.)
5.     If you were assigned female at birth but you’re baring your nipples for a Reproductive Function (i.e. nursing a baby) then brief nipple showing is tolerable (if not totally acceptable) as long as you do it as fast as possible and make sure that baby stays latched to cover your “female nipple.” (Curious baby taking a break to look around? Please cover up and then quickly latch the baby again, thank you.)
6.     If you were assigned female at birth but have virtually no breast tissue, you still may not show us your nipple. No, never. (Exception: see Rule 5)
7.     If you are a cis woman who has had to have had a double mastectomy due to cancer, maybe think twice about taking your shirt off. A flat chest that is tied to illness in a person assigned female at birth is not really acceptable and so toplessness for women who are women but don’t have breasts anymore isn’t really ok because they are women.
Rule 7a states that If you have no nipples at all, you may receive special, negative attention. (This is true despite Barbies and pixelation of images of nipples and pasties and artful poses that show everything except nipples, but in real life, have no nipples? No thanks! See Rule 7: keep your shirt on.)
8.     If you are topless and we aren’t sure about your gender, a gender will be assigned to you and the acceptability of your nipples will be determined based on our judgement call. We reserve the right to change our mind about which gender (there are only two) based on arbitrary details we perceive at any given moment.
9.     If you were assigned female at birth, and come out as trans-nonbinary but you choose not to have top surgery, keep your nipples hidden. Yes, always.
10.  If you were assigned female at birth and have come out as trans-nonbinary, but you choose to have top surgery, you may enjoy taking your shirt off!  (Please see also, Rule 8 and please be advised: we can’t be bothered to monitor for more than two genders. Proceed at your own risk.)
11.  If you are (thin and) rich and famous (and white) and a (cis) woman and walking a red carpet then you can probably wear something sheer and braless and it will be considered risque, but sexy.
12.  If you are (thin and) rich and famous and a (Black) woman and performing at the Super Bowl and your nipple becomes visible you will be pilloried.
13.  If you’re a woman who is not rich and famous and you’re braless in a tee-shirt during the day in order to “be comfortable,” then that is neither risque nor sexy and you should really be wearing a bra to run errands.
14.  It is never appropriate to go braless at work. No, never.
15.  If you’re a cis man and you have more breast tissue than many cis women, it is never appropriate to wear a bra. No, never. The rules are clear on that for sure.
Women are the worst. Always wanting more, when they have so much already.